Favorite Moments of 2014

New year is upon us and I wanted to take a second to reflect on a few of my favorite memories of 2014...

In February we celebrated our 2 year anniversary by going on a little trip to St. George. My parents have the cutest house down there they let us stay in to celebrate another year of marriage coming, and going. Kylie was about 7 months old. We had such a blast hiking, where I can honestly say for the 1st time in me life I enjoyed hiking. I have to say my marriage to this man of mine is seriously blessed by the heavens... I'm honestly so in love with him!!!

In July our baby girl turned ONE!! We had the best birthday party for her, went to the zoo and later went on a Lake powell trip. I could not believe we had a one year old on our hands now. She was a colicky newborn who only wanted me to hold her, but by the time she reached this milestone she was a dream baby! She has been to this day :) she is so smiley, talkative, and giving. 

 This year was tough with Russell going to school for bio medical engineering full time and working at the University of U's hospital full time. One of the things I look back on and cherish is all that one on one time her and I were able to have together. I really loved our dates to the park for her to swing on the swings , our libraries baby storytime, visiting grandma's, girls trips + lunch dates. She truly was my best buddy this year. 

I found out probably mid august that I was pregnant. I'd been breastfeeding Kylie before that so I honestly didn't have a clue how far a long I was. Russell and I guessed I was just 9 weeks when we had our first doctors appt to find out I was actually 13 weeks pregnant! At 16 weeks we got to have the coolest experience thanks to my bro in law Steve, where we got to find out that we were expecting a boy at my parents house during a family sunday dinner! 

In fall we got to help with my little brothers lip dup youtube proposal. I was 5 months pregnant but still wanted to dance in the video for him. It was just a blast to get together with friends + family and celebrate love together! My family is tight and do a lot of things together, and I'm thankful for that! Of course we had to go big for our littlest brother!

This year our one main holiday Russell was going to have completely off from work was Thanksgiving. It seemed appropriate being the holiday that's all about being thankful :) I was thankful to get him for at least one major holiday. We even baked our first homemade pie together  for the occasion. I was sicker then a dog, but he was there helping me navigate bedrest and hospital visits.

Kylie's 2nd Christmas at 17 months! I never posted a picture of her outfit for xmas day. We missed Daddy on Christmas eve, and Christmas night this year. She has used her big girl potty more then a couple of times, is great at saying "please", and "thank you". Her cutest thing she started doing was when I ask her if she wants something she'll shake her head very slowly and literally whisper a girly "no". 

My little brother got married in December! Kylie killed me in her grey dress + sparkly gold shoes. Seeing her twirling around the reception + blowing kisses at friends makes this mama's heart jump. 

2014 was a great year with great memories, but also was tough for both Russell + I. We definetly don't like hardly ever seeing each other and are excited for some changes in 2015 that will change that! I'm so thankful for the women in my life I have, best friends I can talk to for hours on the phone, email on missions, and mom's that are always there for a visit :) excited to see what 2015 will hold!!! One thing I know for sure is that we'll be a family of 4!!!! 

Daddy's Little Girl

Kylie + my husband's relationship kill me. Being more sick Russell has been getting Kylie in the mornings. I love listening to her happy squeals when Dada walks into the room, her little yells in the kitchen for Nana (banana), and having her come into the bedroom with Dad following behind her yelling out MAMA!!! Russell taught her ring around the rosies, and she never wants to stop doing it with him. I swear this little girl is going to like Roller coasters on account of how much she loves Russell turning her upside down, or throwing her around. The picture above is forever going to be my favorite, they'd snuck it on my phone while I was in the bathroom. I mean, look at how she's closing her eyes for the kiss... awe.

Late Night Ramblings

One more week and I'm in the 3rd trimester. One more week and I'm 7 months pregnant. My oh my have I been sick. I honestly was surprised when this pregnancy took such a down turn. I was used to nausea and throwing up, but the pain really threw me through a loop. ER visits, heating pads, pain meds, all didn't do much. I'm a firm believer in our intuition + I remember telling Russell that I just felt like something was off here. Not necessarily worried it has to do with our baby (2 ultrasounds + he's looked perfect in both). I feel like somethings off with me, that it's my body this time around that's struggling for whatever reason. Also, his positioning just seems like he's already dropped and ready to pop out any day now. I've been told go take it easy, but I didn't feel as off as I've felt these past couple of days. I truly am now embracing bedrest. It's been hard for me to have to rely on others, I hate being a "bother". This experience is definetly humbling me. I've been amazed at the love people have shown me, the meals dropped off, the visits, the cookies, it's all been appreciated more then you know. I never realized how just checking in or visiting someone whose struggling or sick is such a sweet ray of sunshine for that person. It's definetly made me want to pay forward this love when I do get feeling better. 

Taking things too personally... My biggest trial in life, haha not really, but can be a little. I can't tell you all how many times I've committed to myself I was going to glide through life, serene, with a smile, never ever allowing others to affect this new found inner peace. I was going to be myself, bubbly Amber.... yeah it was a nice thought there for a while. As I'm getting older I've been surprised I still allow my inner peace to get disturbed.  I want to get to know myself. I want to be the real Amber that's within me regardless what the world says, or other people may say. I'm really embracing this new chapter of being a mom of 2 with a determination to come to know myself more, and by knowing myself more, loving myself more. I have discovered there is a huge correlation in the importance of first loving ourselves before we can fully love those around us. 

Do you get hurt when you feel misjudged or misunderstood? A part of the reason I do is because I know deep down I'm a good person. I know everyone's perceptions, and stories are so vastly different that people will misunderstand, or judge us wrong. I just hope I can slowly figure out how to love myself in such a way I don't take things personally. I don't want to be afraid to be myself, to be authentic, even if by being that way it makes me more vulnerable to judgements. This is totally just random musings from psychology books I've been reading . 

....the end....

25 Things

Cheesy post: How do I begin saying how much I love this eternal boyfriend of mine. I just wanted to make a list of things I love about him, 25 things to be exact

1. Wants to play with Kylie
2. Works full time + is a full time student for a hard degree so I can be a stay at home mom. He advocates for me to be home with the kids
3. Never ever complains about his job.
4. Serves me everyday
5. Cooks for us + is willing when I just don't feel up to it
6. Best laugh
7. handyman around our little house
8. Takes an interest in the things I like even when I know it's not really something he's into
9. Always let's me pick the restaurant
10. Always let's me pick the movies as well
11. Loves all my friends and makes an effort to get to know them
12. charismatic + kind
13. Spiritually is always teaching me how to draw closer to the spirit + my father in heaven
14. Rubs my back every night, and apologizes if he accidentally falls asleep while doing so... I mean come on
15. Has been coming home for his short lunches to vacumm and mop the house so I won't, being on bedrest
16. He's hot
17. Naturally in amazing physical strength, but wants to stay fit + healthy for our kids
18. Lights up when we talk about our son
19. Texts me everyday, throughout the day no matter how hectic, just so I know he cares
20. Writes love notes on the bathroom mirror for me
21. He'd sacrifice anything for me and I know it. If I was cold he'd give me the shirt off his back
22. Doesn't allow anyone to mistreat or bully when he's around.
23. His testimony
24. His love for his lds mission he served
25. His love for jalapeños

Hello December

December is here + the merriment as already begun at the Barker home. We chose the day after Thanksgiving (like the majority of folks) to decorate our little home. Personally I like spending and celebrating each holiday as it comes, resisting the urge to skip over them. Thanksgiving day was another tough day for me, pregnancy wise, but I knew with Russell's insane schedule Friday was the best day to get our Christmas on. There is something so joyful, + fulfilling about seeing that christmas tree all lit up. Kylie has been amazing with the tree, and hasn't even tried to take the ornaments off. The ones Russell did lower to the ground he secured pretty well to the tree I don't think her little hands could manage anyways. 

This Christmas is going to be a very special one again this year. I grew up with amazing parents who always made christmas a grand event. I don't remember a Christmas we didn't have presents. I didn't get married till I was 22, I always had my own job, which allowed me to always have enough to spend on friends, family, and myself. There were a lot of frivolous purchases made during this time, haha, but I could, so why not.  It's been different since having Kylie. Russell is still in school, and I'm a stay at home mom. For the first time in my life I've been experiencing Christmas's where it is more tight. At first I was more sad about this predicament, but I have come to realize buying stuff isn't what makes this holiday great. These two Christmas's have been full of such spirit for us. 

Christmas is great because it celebrates our Savior. It's a time to draw closer to our families. It's a time to reach out in service and love. It's a time to forgive and let go that years resentments. For me I'm learning to make the most of this holiday even when we have little on account of Russell still being in school. Russell and I have asked for more homemade gifts from each other this year. We are planning on sledding, seeing the lights, making sugar cookies, decorating gingerbread houses, and watching lots of Christmas movies!!! I'm excited for egg nog, family get togethers, having hot cocoa by our fireplace. I don't want to get caught in the trap where you somehow feel your Christmas will lack without more financial means. And I hope other families, like ours who still have their husbands in school, don't feel that pressure either. Christmas can be amazing, full of traditions, without spending a lot of dough. For example I wanted to get Kylie her own tree, but little trees can even be costly. So I thought our branches we used for our thankful tree would do just nicely for her to personally decorate. She loved putting the ornaments I got from target on it. Someday I know we will look back on these more humble Christmas's with a sense of sweet joy from those sweet memories that were made. 

Thomas S. Monson 2013 Christmas devotional... 

"Finding the real joy of Christmas comes not in the hurrying and the scurrying to get more done, or the buying of gifts. We find the real joy of Christmas when we make the Savior the focus of the season."