Colins Birth Story

Monday I had my doctors appt. for my 39th week check-up. I was entirely too hopeful I was going to walk in there, be progressed enough that my doctor would just keep me there. Despite my painful wobbling, being 4 cm dilated and 90% effaced it was not too be. To ease the blow, Russell came up with a plan that we'd do a fun activity everyday this week, so that when I'd wake up still pregnant, I could have something to cheer me up. Monday we got In-N-Out and watched the finale of The Bachelor together. Tuesday I woke up just feeling like please let it be today! We all went on a day trip to liberty park downtown. I was walking as much as I could in order to get things moving. I even went up and down the slides with Kylie (somewhat against Russell's better judgement). When I talked to my mom I broke down; I used to be against getting induced, but being in so much pain and sick all of the time, I couldn't remember my "reasons" anymore. My doctor and I had discussed the possibility of me getting induced. The next morning I woke up, had Kylie in her highchair to eat her breakfast when I get a call from my doctors office. My nurse told me there was an induction open for that morning at 9 am if I was willing. I quickly called Russell, who was already on his way to school, saying "Do you want me to have the baby at 9am today?" I then explained what had just happened. He told me, "That sounds good to me. I'm already turned around and on my way." I quickly called my mom about meeting us at the hospital to get Kylie, and once Russell arrived we were on our way. 

// A lovely pre-baby shot for your viewing pleasure //

Getting induced honestly felt the same as naturally going into labor with Kylie. They broke my water and my contractions were immediately 3 minutes apart hitting the 70's on the graph they use to measure contraction intensity (the graph doesn't go above 100). So in other words, I wanted the epidural STAT. I looked at my nurse worried about the anesthesiologist coming; I didn't want to risk not getting the epidural in time. He came shortly after that and administered the epidural. After a surprisingly bad 'zing' down my right leg caused by brushing hard against the nerve it started to work great and I was again ready. My doctor wasn't there yet so to stall they propped me up on my side to ensure the baby was in position but not going to come while waiting. Russell and I sat reading to each other like the sweet old couple we are ;). My doctor finally made her grand entrance and next thing I know it I'm pushing away. After about a solid 15 minutes of pushing, Colin was here. 

There was a moment I knew he was coming because as I was pushing I looked up into my husband's face and saw his eyes tearing up with pure joy, and I knew it was because he was seeing his son for the first time. Now if that didn't give me motivation to give my all to those final pushes I don't know what will! When he came out and the nurses placed him on my chest I started to cry.... it was all worth it; the pain, the sickness, heck everything and beyond would have been worth it for my baby!!! He was beautiful, and my heart was literally bursting with love inside of my chest. I couldn't stop saying, "It's my baby!" He was perfectly healthy so they just cleaned him off and weighed him. We then immediately got down to the business of breast feeding, which he rocked! I was immediately attached I just wanted to hold him. We had been torn between 2 names but when I saw him I knew he was my Colin. 

During our stay in the hospital Russell and I decided to enjoy ourselves as much as possible. We loved the time we had to just talk about everything. We honestly loved how many people came to visit and with whom we were able to talk. We are both suckers for visitors. During the two and a half days we also took advantage and poured over the menus deciding which delectable dishes we were going to sample that day, relishing every bite. Lets just say that the food did not go to... waist. ;)

I was so nervous about being a mom of two littles. I didn't know how I could love them equally, juggle both schedules, breastfeed and chase around a 20 month old. I had so many fears bouncing around before I had Colin but when I held him in my arms I felt such a sweet peace enter my soul; I knew I could do this. I AM Kylie's and Colin's mother. Kylie's first time meeting her little brother was one moment I knew that Colin was meant to come down now, to be her little brother. Kylie just kept kissing him, smiling at him, and wanting us to let her hold him. In Kylie's mind Colin was "her baby". Having this little boy has brought the sweetest joy into my soul. I've never felt this blissfully happy + content. I have never felt this confident + secure in where I'm at in my life. I am a mother, and to the sweetest most precious newborn!!!! I'm bursting with joy y'all! Hahaha. I love babies.

My Testimony

I was tagged by the beautiful Stephi Kay to write a post featuring my testimony of the gospel. It being the number one most important thing in my life should make it easy to write about. ;)

My testimony was honestly one of those that has grown precept upon precept, here a little and there a little. My parents were both members of the LDS church, both RM's (Austria + Australia), they were sealed in the SLC temple, and have been active faithful members my entire life. To say that they influenced me is an understatement, because of their example I was baptized at the age of 8 in the tabernacle downtown, I attended church activities, youth activities, girls camps, I also remember us always doing FHE (Family Home Evening) and family scripture study. The seed was planted, and it grew steadily. I knew it was a good seed, I knew what my parents were teaching me, what the church was telling me was true. I remember there was a time I studied different religions and faiths doctrines and core beliefs.... The gospel to me was like a glass table that was shattered when the priesthood was taken from the earth (great apostasy), over time religions have picked up chunks of this table, but none have the table full in tact. Every time I researched other faiths I'd find these chunks of gospel truth, but then something would always be missing. The LDS church is the full glass table! It has all the truth, the answers, it is literally the church that Jesus originally brought to the Earth.

I haven't always been perfect, I knew the truth, but that didn't stop me from making mistakes. There was a small period of my life I actually stopped attending church, it lasted for about 2 months. It began with me skipping out after Sunday school, and then right after sacrament, to just not even going. I rationalized that it doesn't hurt to miss a few Sundays here and there. I told myself the relief society girls just weren't that inviting. The list of excuses could honestly be endless, but every time I fed myself one of these excuses I knew I was lying to myself, missing church did matter. One night I remember just sitting there and I felt this feeling of shame.... shame for what I was doing, who I was becoming. There was this little voice within me that just said, "you are FAR greater than what you are becoming, you need to change." I felt prompted to open my scriptures and that's where I read Nephi's account where he laments the sins that easily beset him, wishing to cast them off and be a better man. I felt that, more real then I'd ever felt that desire. I needed and wanted to be a better woman. The very next day things just fell into my lap and next thing I knew I was all set up to go spend an entire semester living in mainland China. I knew I needed to get out of my comfort zone, go to a 3rd world country where I'd be cut off from social media/internet/cell phones, a place that I could focus 100%  on studying the gospel.

When I went to China I told myself I was going to read my scriptures until I felt the spirit. The first time I sat down and read it took me 3 hours of straight reading before I felt the spirit. Over time it only took an hour and a half, then just half an hour, to just 5 minutes. I was determined everyday to have a spiritual experience. Suddenly the scriptures were opened to me in a way they'd never been before. I'd pray right before reading, I'd have a spiritual journal opened at my side, and for the first time in my life I'd actually write in my scriptures, circling the passages that hit home for me. I blew through the bible (old and new). On a sleeper train to Beijing I read the entire Book of Mormon cover to cover in 26 hours. Later I'd read D&C, and the Pearl of Great Price. I wanted and needed to read it all! This was God's words, and for the first time they were truly speaking to me. I remember thinking God seemed like he couldn't really honestly care for every single one of us with how much he is in charge of. But as I read the scriptures I couldn't deny how CARING, how PATIENT, how CONSTANT, his love REALLY is. I came to know and to feel how my Father in Heaven truly feels about us, and I was BLOWN away.......... I still am. China changed my life. For the first time in a long time I felt proud of the woman I was becoming. I felt like I was honestly tapping into that divine potential within me, and I was living up to it.

I KNOW that this gospel is the true church on Earth, restored by a TRUE prophet of god. Joseph Smith was and is an incredible man. If your testimony is a little shaky about Joseph Smith, seriously just study his life. Silly as this may sound but the Work and the Glory books helped me get to know who Joseph Smith was. One of my friends said it best, history is peoples opinions about certain events and people. If you are studying and trying to understand who a person was, is it fair to study his life through the stories of his haters, the gossipers, the ones who honestly didn't really even know him? You should study it from accounts of his closest friends, parents, those who actually grew up and lived with him. I'd hope if someone studied my life when I die they wouldn't ask the people who disliked me in grade school! I'd hope they'd ask my friends, my college roommates, my parents, my siblings, my husband, my children, people who actually knew me. From studying out his life and accounts from those closet to him I KNOW Joesph Smith was a true prophet of God.

I recently listened to the biography of Thomas S. Monson and am BLOWN away by how evident it is that he also is a true prophet of god, prepared since infancy for his calling now. I have only ever seen him in conference centers, but when he has walked into that huge room I have felt the spirit beaming from his countenance. Hearing him speak, I can't deny that here is a good man, and a prophet of our God.

I have a testimony of Jesus Christ..... He is EVERYTHING. He took upon him every mistake, every little sin I'd constantly commit in life, every heartache and pain I'd feel just so I can live with my Heavenly Father again. He knows how important that end goal is, to live in the presence of our Father that he took upon him EVERYONE'S sins so that they too can come back into the presence of their Father.

I have a testimony of the divinity of womanhood.  Adam called Eve "the mother of all living" before she ever even had, had a child. We as woman have a power within us that is equal to the divinity of the priesthood. We go into a literal partnership with GOD in bringing human life to the earth. Our bodies have the capability to not only grow a human life, but then to sustain that life after we've had them. Woman are everything to our father in heaven. We are so sacred, so pure, so beautiful, and so divine.

These things I share with you all in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Baby #2/ 38 Weeks

I am just going to say it, I am SO ready to be done. With Kylie I thought I knew what big, pregnant, and uncomfortable meant. Well, I knew NOTHING haha. This pregnancy has been a lot harder, a lot more painful, a lot bigger and whole lot more uncomfortable then when I was carrying Kylie. Because of this, I keep catching myself complaining about being pregnant more than I'd like to admit. and how unfortunate, because deep down, I'm so thankful we're having another baby, and so proud of my body for being able to keep up with the demands of growing this tiny human so far. I have to admit the last weeks I'd been a whole lot more content, and happy, and thankful that it's happening at all. As of yesterday that go happy attitude took a turn for the worse. I officially can't walk normal, I'm not even kidding, I HAVE to waddle! I also can't cross my legs when I'm sitting, even if I wanted to. I heard someone once say that they got to a point where they felt there was a bowling ball between their legs..... I completely understand this statement now haha. I know I could hold out if that's what baby boy needs, but I am praying to be blessed to go earlier like I did with my first.

Fingers crossed.

xoxo