My testimony was honestly one of those that has grown precept upon precept, here a little and there a little. My parents were both members of the LDS church, both RM's (Austria + Australia), they were sealed in the SLC temple, and have been active faithful members my entire life. To say that they influenced me is an understatement, because of their example I was baptized at the age of 8 in the tabernacle downtown, I attended church activities, youth activities, girls camps, I also remember us always doing FHE (Family Home Evening) and family scripture study. The seed was planted, and it grew steadily. I knew it was a good seed, I knew what my parents were teaching me, what the church was telling me was true. I remember there was a time I studied different religions and faiths doctrines and core beliefs.... The gospel to me was like a glass table that was shattered when the priesthood was taken from the earth (great apostasy), over time religions have picked up chunks of this table, but none have the table full in tact. Every time I researched other faiths I'd find these chunks of gospel truth, but then something would always be missing. The LDS church is the full glass table! It has all the truth, the answers, it is literally the church that Jesus originally brought to the Earth.
I haven't always been perfect, I knew the truth, but that didn't stop me from making mistakes. There was a small period of my life I actually stopped attending church, it lasted for about 2 months. It began with me skipping out after Sunday school, and then right after sacrament, to just not even going. I rationalized that it doesn't hurt to miss a few Sundays here and there. I told myself the relief society girls just weren't that inviting. The list of excuses could honestly be endless, but every time I fed myself one of these excuses I knew I was lying to myself, missing church did matter. One night I remember just sitting there and I felt this feeling of shame.... shame for what I was doing, who I was becoming. There was this little voice within me that just said, "you are FAR greater than what you are becoming, you need to change." I felt prompted to open my scriptures and that's where I read Nephi's account where he laments the sins that easily beset him, wishing to cast them off and be a better man. I felt that, more real then I'd ever felt that desire. I needed and wanted to be a better woman. The very next day things just fell into my lap and next thing I knew I was all set up to go spend an entire semester living in mainland China. I knew I needed to get out of my comfort zone, go to a 3rd world country where I'd be cut off from social media/internet/cell phones, a place that I could focus 100% on studying the gospel.
When I went to China I told myself I was going to read my scriptures until I felt the spirit. The first time I sat down and read it took me 3 hours of straight reading before I felt the spirit. Over time it only took an hour and a half, then just half an hour, to just 5 minutes. I was determined everyday to have a spiritual experience. Suddenly the scriptures were opened to me in a way they'd never been before. I'd pray right before reading, I'd have a spiritual journal opened at my side, and for the first time in my life I'd actually write in my scriptures, circling the passages that hit home for me. I blew through the bible (old and new). On a sleeper train to Beijing I read the entire Book of Mormon cover to cover in 26 hours. Later I'd read D&C, and the Pearl of Great Price. I wanted and needed to read it all! This was God's words, and for the first time they were truly speaking to me. I remember thinking God seemed like he couldn't really honestly care for every single one of us with how much he is in charge of. But as I read the scriptures I couldn't deny how CARING, how PATIENT, how CONSTANT, his love REALLY is. I came to know and to feel how my Father in Heaven truly feels about us, and I was BLOWN away.......... I still am. China changed my life. For the first time in a long time I felt proud of the woman I was becoming. I felt like I was honestly tapping into that divine potential within me, and I was living up to it.
I KNOW that this gospel is the true church on Earth, restored by a TRUE prophet of god. Joseph Smith was and is an incredible man. If your testimony is a little shaky about Joseph Smith, seriously just study his life. Silly as this may sound but the Work and the Glory books helped me get to know who Joseph Smith was. One of my friends said it best, history is peoples opinions about certain events and people. If you are studying and trying to understand who a person was, is it fair to study his life through the stories of his haters, the gossipers, the ones who honestly didn't really even know him? You should study it from accounts of his closest friends, parents, those who actually grew up and lived with him. I'd hope if someone studied my life when I die they wouldn't ask the people who disliked me in grade school! I'd hope they'd ask my friends, my college roommates, my parents, my siblings, my husband, my children, people who actually knew me. From studying out his life and accounts from those closet to him I KNOW Joesph Smith was a true prophet of God.
I recently listened to the biography of Thomas S. Monson and am BLOWN away by how evident it is that he also is a true prophet of god, prepared since infancy for his calling now. I have only ever seen him in conference centers, but when he has walked into that huge room I have felt the spirit beaming from his countenance. Hearing him speak, I can't deny that here is a good man, and a prophet of our God.
I have a testimony of Jesus Christ..... He is EVERYTHING. He took upon him every mistake, every little sin I'd constantly commit in life, every heartache and pain I'd feel just so I can live with my Heavenly Father again. He knows how important that end goal is, to live in the presence of our Father that he took upon him EVERYONE'S sins so that they too can come back into the presence of their Father.
These things I share with you all in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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