One more week and I'm in the 3rd trimester. One more week and I'm 7 months pregnant. My oh my have I been sick. I honestly was surprised when this pregnancy took such a down turn. I was used to nausea and throwing up, but the pain really threw me through a loop. ER visits, heating pads, pain meds, all didn't do much. I'm a firm believer in our intuition + I remember telling Russell that I just felt like something was off here. Not necessarily worried it has to do with our baby (2 ultrasounds + he's looked perfect in both). I feel like somethings off with me, that it's my body this time around that's struggling for whatever reason. Also, his positioning just seems like he's already dropped and ready to pop out any day now. I've been told go take it easy, but I didn't feel as off as I've felt these past couple of days. I truly am now embracing bedrest. It's been hard for me to have to rely on others, I hate being a "bother". This experience is definetly humbling me. I've been amazed at the love people have shown me, the meals dropped off, the visits, the cookies, it's all been appreciated more then you know. I never realized how just checking in or visiting someone whose struggling or sick is such a sweet ray of sunshine for that person. It's definetly made me want to pay forward this love when I do get feeling better.
Taking things too personally... My biggest trial in life, haha not really, but can be a little. I can't tell you all how many times I've committed to myself I was going to glide through life, serene, with a smile, never ever allowing others to affect this new found inner peace. I was going to be myself, bubbly Amber.... yeah it was a nice thought there for a while. As I'm getting older I've been surprised I still allow my inner peace to get disturbed. I want to get to know myself. I want to be the real Amber that's within me regardless what the world says, or other people may say. I'm really embracing this new chapter of being a mom of 2 with a determination to come to know myself more, and by knowing myself more, loving myself more. I have discovered there is a huge correlation in the importance of first loving ourselves before we can fully love those around us.
Do you get hurt when you feel misjudged or misunderstood? A part of the reason I do is because I know deep down I'm a good person. I know everyone's perceptions, and stories are so vastly different that people will misunderstand, or judge us wrong. I just hope I can slowly figure out how to love myself in such a way I don't take things personally. I don't want to be afraid to be myself, to be authentic, even if by being that way it makes me more vulnerable to judgements. This is totally just random musings from psychology books I've been reading .
....the end....
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